Everytime a topic or idea pops in my head I picture it a lot shorter. 

I'm still unemployed with no lisence, go figure, and I only have about two or three weeks of summer school left. Nothing new there.  As far as rapping goes we started to get a renewed sense of enthusiasm when I took this old beat we had (has like this army drum pattern incoporated into it) and threw a couple pieces  from a few of Malcolm X's speeches on the beginning and end.  After that everybody started to get focused and now the songs are going like clockwork.    

Deep Thought: Non-verbal Love

What is the highest symbol of public affection? Is it a kiss? It could be. What about a hug? We know that’s not right. Maybe and arm around the shoulder, a tap on the butt… How about holding hands?

What’s going through your mind right now? First thing is you're going to try to rationalize and think of all the reasons I could be making this claim, second you’re going to think about all of the possibilities and make your case for one of those and finally you’re going to read the rest to figure out why I said what I said.  Or maybe you’ll just read it without anything going through your mind.

Let me state my claim.  First off, everybody is entitled to their own opinion so everybody may not feel the way I do about the issue but for the sake of being open minded listen (read on). Holding hands to me is a bigger form of commitment than any other form of public affection that I listed above because it means more. 

So no one gets confused I’ll let you know I am typing about public affection between two people who are together in a relationship or two people who are trying to get together in a relationship, the courting process, you know before any type of commitment.

The Hug

People hug people so much that it’s a greeting now. For the sake of argument I can elaborate.  Hugging someone doesn’t necessarily mean you have feelings for that person.  That could actually show your lack of feelings for them or your insecurity. If you are going to hug someone why not kiss them? I’m not saying be all up in there mouth but why not give them a little peck on the cheek or lips? It’s not because you don’t want other people to see you hugging them is it? No that’s absurd.  Is it because you don’t yet feel comfortable enough with that person to show everybody else that you are together? Of course not, that’s ridiculous.  If that’s what you believe, the disagreements, then you won’t agree with my next statement either.  A hug is the easy way out if you don’t want to display your feeling for your partner.  You would know this if you were on the receiving side of the hug.  A hug leaves you feeling incomplete.  That could be why when you see people hug they hold on for so long or they try to get more than one hug.

The Kiss

What’s the first thing that goes through your mind when you see two people kissing when you’re walking through the mall, or down the street or the hallway of your school for that matter? Maybe you’re thinking that they are happy, maybe you are thinking they must be comfortable with each other, maybe you are thinking get a room.  But only 32% if not less do you think that maybe they are in love. This PDA is probably the highest on most peoples list of ways to publicly show they care.  You could say that and make a case for it.  Before a passionate kiss meant I Love You.  Don’t get me wrong it could mean the same thing but kissing more this in age than before could be a way of covering up betrayal.  Don’t believe me read the Easter story lol.  A kiss (on the cheek) in public and Jesus was crucified.  I know it’s not that extreme but nowadays people do have their own agendas.  How do you know that the person initiating the kiss isn’t just doing it to show everyone else that this is my property and not because they care about you?  Kissing has been so abused that someone can give you the most sensual kiss and lie to your face.  I admit I have far beyond abused the kiss just not in that way.  It’s not uncommon for me to kiss females on the first date just to see if they can kiss.

Etc.

The arm around the shoulder looks more like you are trying to game the person than it looks like you are romantically involved with them.  A pat on the butt is, in my mind, more degrading, in public (because in private it’s all good lol), than affectionate. 

Holding Hands

One thing you notice about all of the PDA’s I listed above is that they are a very common sight to see when you are in public.  Holding hands isn’t.  I mean how many people do you see walking through the mall holding hands.  Out of all of the people you see hugging and kissing in the mall, how many of them do you see holding hands.  When you see people holding hand you think either they are whipped or they are trying to hold onto something but is there ever a doubt in your mind that they have feelings for one another? In most peoples eyes holding hands is soft and if you have an image or rep for being the man’s man (no homosexual pun intended) then the last thing you are going to want to be seen doing is holding hands.  In my mind holding hands is a symbol of two people becoming one.  It’s like saying (excerpt from Jerry Maguire), “You complete me.”  You might see me kissing a girl early on but later do you see me holding her hand? Odds are you don’t.  Some of you may be like that’s a little extreme or it’s not that serious.  If you are saying that and you are a female try to hold your man’s hand in public and see how uncomfortable he gets. If he doesn’t than you might have something. If you are a guy, try to hold your lady’s hand in public see if she lets you first of all then see how excited she is to hold it. 

I repeat, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and this is mine.  NOTHING IS 100% in this situation because everyone is different but next time you’re out with your significant other or your significant other to be think about it.  Next time you see two people holding hands in public see how much they respond and react to each other and you draw your own conclusion.

I was supposed to post the first Sunday in July… I didn’t…obviously. I’ll explain why at a later date… upon request of course.  With out further ado...

Deep Thought: What’s been on my mind lately?

Lately I have been struck with an strong appetite for knowledge.  Over the past week or so I’ve been reading just about anything I could, that had to do with black history, in my free time and since I don’t have a job and I only have school twice a week I have a lot of free time to enlighten myself .  Most of it was just a lot of mini biographies of people like Frederick Douglass, Huey Newton, and Marcus Garvey.  I have read over 25 of them because I feel like I need to know as much as possible because you can’t pose a big threat in an argument if you don’t have your facts straight.  That thinking led me to read up on the Emancipation Proclamation, 13^th Amendment, the William Lynch Letter and the history of slavery in America.  After reading a number of articles and books I started to think:

When will slavery end?

Most people believe that the Emancipation Proclamation freed the slaves in 1865 but that is about as true and saying Thomas Edison single handedly made the working light bulb.  The truth of the matter is that the EP only freed slaves in states that were in rebellion against the Union January 1, 1863.  With that said there was still legal slavery in Missouri, Maryland, Delaware, Kentucky and Tennessee among other places.  The 13^th Amendment officially abolished slavery in 1865.  The last slaves where set free June 19^th 1865, that’s where Juneteenth comes from. 

I guess you are reading this like slavery is over what are you saying man?  What I am saying is, even though slavery in terms of physical bondage is no longer in existence our minds are still mentally enslaved.  You can click the back button or go to another link but all that is doing is justifying your denial.  What was done to our forefathers in slavery has been passed down to us and now exists whether you or anybody else wants to admit it or not. 

In 1712, a slave owner by the name of William Lynch came to America to give other slave owners advice on how to keep their slaves submissive.  He proposed that if you exploit the differences among the slaves, such and skin hue and age, and turn them against each other then they will in return hate and not trust each other.  By doing this they will trust and depend solely on the master and not each other thus creating a “me first” attitude among slaves.  I’m not trying to bore you with historic facts but if you don’t know the history of what I am about to talk about you won’t understand what I am saying.

Harriet Tubman once said, “If I could’ve convinced more slaves that they were slaves, I could’ve freed thousands more.” 

That statement shows the psychological damage done to blacks who were enslaved and as a result blacks today have inherited the same damage.  I believe you only see what others want you to see until you decide to step outside of your comfort zone and research the matter for yourself.  With that said many people who read this blog along with hundreds of thousands of others don’t see the symbolism that is placed in front of there face or they do see it and deny it exists.  Hopefully the illustration that I will draw up for you will pry you eyes open enough for you to see some light in the darkness.  See if you can follow my pencil:

This day in age it is clear to see that blacks still have the “me first” attitude.  It is also clear to see that there is a lack of loyalty amongst the black population.  Blacks who have been fortunate enough to prosper economically have been criticized for not giving back to the race whether it is donating to the United Negro College Fund or helping fund a community center or high school which they graduated from.  How obligated do they feel to give back?  We live in a world where we care more about our personal progress than the progress of our people.  We have been conditioned to believe that as long as we are alright so is everything else.  And why shouldn’t we?  It seems that our brothers and sisters of color are more interested in pulling us down so we achieve as much or less then they do instead of giving us a helping hand.  Why would we rather have a white lawyer handle our cases? Why would we rather go to a white doctor? Why do we look to whites to solve our problems?  Why don’t we support our blacks who are trying to make a name for themselves?  In some cases it’s not because they are less qualified to handle your situation.  Theoretically speaking it could be because you don’t want to see someone who has been through what you have been through to be more successful than you.

Now take that and think about what I have told you about the William Lynch letter.  If you can’t make the connection I am afraid that your mind has been damaged to the point of no repair.  Or maybe you need a little more guidance.

So when will slavery end?

When William Lynch gave his speech in 1712 he told the slave owners that his method should work up to 300 years.  So according to him our slavery will continue until the year 2012.  Even though the slavery has been abolished for 140 years this year, the mental aspect of slavery has not been.  Are you going to wait until the year 2012 to free yourself?  It’s your decision.

K. Blazes 

Re-Cap:
I've been out of school since May 7th and my summer still hasn't started lol. No summer job or school yet so nothings really been happening.  I need to apply to summer school but Edinboro hasn't returned my "Transfer of Credits" form yet and everytime  I call the person I need to talk to is never there... go figure.  As far as the summer job thing goes, transportation is key, and since I don't have a car or license or bus pass dfor the matter working ins't in the picture.  There was a ray of hope last week but blinds are pretty much coming down at this point.

The rap thing is popping off a little better than I thought but it is so inconsistent it's hard for me to believe we, Non-Fiction, will have anything accomplished by August.  Our, mine and Golden's, target number for the group was six but since one person wasn't reliable we cut him and we are down to five and we are trying to decide whether or not to pick up another person.  As far as recording, nobody, outside of the group, knows better than Baby that we always get our hopes up to record and never do.  Well, we have once but because of ineluctable (my word of the day word) issues we couldn't accomplish very much. 

I originally didn't plan to post anything until July, but since someone close asked me to post something recent I will.  I'm not posting the normal "Deep Thought" because it's still not July but I will give you a chance to see a little bit of my creative side lol.  This is a poem I wrote a while back that I recently took apart and put some lines in a song.  I'm not sure how often I will post a poem or anything of that nature because it is almost July.  Soon enough I will find that out and let you know.  i hope you enjoy the poem. Holla

Weekly? Daily? Poem: Girl of My Ebony Dreams

It's hard to stay awake when I can dream about you
Even when I'm conscious I can only think about you
When my days get hard you always pull me through
I just picture your face and my gray skies turn blue
When it rains in my life your smile is the ray of light
That brightens up my day but I wish it could stay the night
Because at the end of the day I will see you again
Feel the soft kiss from your lips and the warmth of your skin
Everytime I see you it's like a role playing game
Depending on my mood, every night it will change
Last night I was a king with an empty seat by my side
So I looked for someone to fill it when you caught my eye
Your ebony skin glowed through my black and white vision
While others remained the same your body was vibrant and glistened
I asked you for your hand in marriage  but would you accept my proposal?
You nodded your head but before we could kiss it was over
I felt your body slipping from my grasp my eyes opened to light
I was disappointed to see you weren't by my side
Would I taste the sweetness of your lips? I was impatient to see
So I closed my eyes and you were right there waiting for me 

A K. Blazes original
Copy Written through Poetry.com and Eternal Portraits

K. Blazes
Da Boi Mercury 

Summer vacation... I'm chillin.  Um let's see.  I know for a fact I'm not posting in May maybe June... maybe not.  Just check and see.

K. Blazes
Da Boi Mercury

I apologize if the words are too small on your screen (because they are one mine).  I feel like again I have to complain about modern technology.  The reason I am not able to adjust the font is because my mouse doesn't work and hasn't worked since thursday.  I f I'm making any typographical errors that is why. because as I am typing there is a big "AOL Instant Messenger Error" sign right in my face that I can't use my task manager to remove.  Oh yeah, my phone isn't working right now either, suprise. 

This is so frustating right now lol.  I guess all you can do is laugh at the situation and hope you don't throw your phone or mouse... *shakes head* isn't technology great? 

Deep Thought: Why we cheat. Part 2: Boredom

The boredom aspect of cheating is pretty self explanatory but just for the sake of explaining it I will.  This could go along with the maturity issue but I’m not going to get that deep into it.  When you are with someone for a long time, like two weeks for some people, you start to get flat out bored.  They aren’t the same person they were when you got together.  Before you would go out on dates and take walks and talk on the phone all night and now you really don’t do anything but talk on the phone, “hi don’t know why I called you, bye” or “hi I just called you so you wouldn’t call me complaining that I didn’t call you, bye,” and go over each others house for whatever the reason.  I guess what people don’t realize is the same things that you were doing to get the person you are with are the same thing you are going to have to do to keep the person you are with.  Most people think, “Well I have them and they aren’t going to leave now,”… you could be right… they might not leave… but that doesn’t mean they aren’t with someone else too. 

When we get into relationships, after the first month or two, we start to get selfish because we know they are in a commitment and for them to leave would be a pretty painful thing to do, in some cases.  So we stop coming off of self.  We stop spending the time or money that we invested in to start the relationship to keep the relationship moving.  If you don’t want the relationship to be based solely on money, because you know a couple months down the road you won’t have it, don’t wine and dine from the start.  Every so often go somewhere or buy them something so they know to expect something every so often and not frequently.  If you don’t want the relationship to be based solely on sex learn to say no sometime. That goes for men and women.  If you are having sex straight out of the gate then the other person is going to expect to have it so often in the rest of the relationship.  See sex is a powerful thing so don’t abuse it because if it gets boring to you there will no longer be a relationship if you have nothing else to fall back on.  Whatever you do from jump you are expected to do for the relationship. I’m not trying to justify cheating but if you are too selfish to make the relationship work then you have caused your own problem.

Doing something from the start then not doing it anymore is like false advertisement.  If you women get a man and you cook for him every time he comes over for the first two or three weeks what do you expect him to think is going happen the next time he comes over?  And men if you take your woman out to the movies every Saturday for a month or two what do you expect them to think is going to happen for the rest of the relationship?  Those might be some extreme examples they might not but ultimately you are starting a routine and if you can’t continue with that routine you are going to have problems.  So if you know you aren’t going to follow through on what you started then you shouldn’t have done it in excess.  If you like cooking for your man but you know your not going to keep cooking for him do it sparingly.  If he comes over 4 times a week maybe cook for him once and the other times if snack it up.  The less you do it the more he can appreciate it.  If you like going out with your woman but you know that you won’t be able to afford it down the stretch do it sparingly.  If you are going out every Saturday out of the month cut it down two every other Saturday or one Saturday and something inexpensive.  The less you do it the more she can appreciate it.  I see it like this, if you start off the relationship this way they know what to expect and really can’t complain about it because it’s not like you were doing a whole lot before and now you are doing less.        

Final Thought:

As far as the boredom thing goes you have to know how much you like this person. You have to know if you want to make it work.  If you are on the other end of that you have to learn how to come up off of yourself and handle your business because if you don’t somebody else will.        

Re-Cap

I’m going to try to make this recap as short as possible since the deep thought is pretty long. 

I’m sure most of you reading this are from around my area so you know what happened up here in Edinboro.  If you don’t know watch the news or something.  I really don’t have much to say about it except don’t approach me about it if we don’t normally talk (I’ve been getting phone calls and texts about it from people I haven’t talked to since August), don’t ask or hint toward the fact that I’m going to do something like that because I'm way too intelligent to do something that stupid and finally I told you so.  When we all first got here I told everyone even though all of us were up here I was going to be the only one to finish the first year and guess what…

I think I will complain about modern technology another time (I couldn’t access the internet on my computer and the buttons on my phone do not work unless I press a series of them i.e. select, down arrow, menu, you get the picture. The only button that works is the hang up button.  I didn’t want to do it but since I’ve been having so many problems with my phone I have to say the company the manufactured it and the service… model LG1300, service Cingular.

Deep Thought: Why we cheat. Part 1: Lack of maturity

There are so many ways I can go with this journal entry it’s ridiculous.  There are also a lot of things I can say about this topic but by the time you finished reading it my next entry would be posted. It is already so long that I have to break it into two journal entries (maybe more if I feel the need to elaborate, or by request).  Out of all of the reasons, there are two issues that lead to cheating that I will be addressing for sure:  Lack of maturity (part 1) and boredom (part 2). Holla!!!

The lack of maturity comes into play when you are talking about “husband or wifey material.”  Some people are cursed with the label of being marriage material.  In my mind I am a king so if I am going to be with a female she is going to be my queen and deserves to be treated like one.  I’m not the only person who thinks like that and there are other males and females who think the same way.  People who have been labeled “marriage material” need to be smart about what they do because they will get taken advantage of if they are with someone who is not mature enough to handle the relationship.  I’m more of a long term relationship guy or no relationship at all because you really don’t know the person that well until a few months in even if you knew the person all your life.  I believe dating just for the title is grade school thinking.  In middle school before you really knew what being boyfriend and girlfriend really was happens to be what a lot of people think being boyfriend and girlfriend is today.  To some people it’s just a title.  It’s kind of like having an umbrella on a sunny day with 35% chance of rain, you don’t really need it but it’s nice to say you have one just incase something happens. 

I guess I got a little off topic but I’ll get back to the point I was trying to make.  A lot of people want grown up relationships but they are not grown enough to handle it.  They can talk all that commitment bull but when it comes down to it when they see a better body you become expendable.  Lust is a mutha lol. That is where the psychological problems begin for the “marriage material.”  If this constantly happens, getting dumped for someone else who is willing to do things that the other person wouldn’t do, then a mindset starts to get created in the person that tells them the only way that they are going to keep their man or woman is to go against what they believe and act out of character.  That’s how marriage material gets turned into statistics.  To me a statistic is someone who gets cheated on, knows they are getting cheated on then accepts they are being cheated on because they have a false image of a love that isn’t there or because they think their boyfriend or girlfriend will eventually change.  Call it what you want infatuation or stupidity. Whatever you want to call it I believe the best way to avoid this is to be yourself and be smart enough to realize that what you are doing isn’t wrong and you need to have patience so when the right person comes along you can still be that person you set yourself out to be.   

I guess most of that has to do with loving yourself.  I don’t mean in a conceited way.  I mean loving yourself on the outside as well as the inside.  I guess that’s part of the problem with a lot of people in bad relationships, they don’t love themselves so they don’t know how to be loved or treated.  If you can honestly say you love yourself than you wouldn’t be in a bad relationship because you wouldn’t allow yourself to continually be mistreated and cheated on.

Final Thought:

If you know you are not mature enough to be in a real, adult, mature relationship then don’t front like you are because you might be messing up someone’s whole livelihood.  If you are in it for one thing if your game is tight enough you can probably get it without either one of you having to commit.  And if you are trying to change yourself to keep somebody, stop playing yourself and do you.  You have to find love for yourself before you can find love for somebody else.

To be continued…

After talking to people about my page I have realized that I am opening peoples eyes and minds.  Mission accomplished. 

Re-Cap

I've been cool lately. This weekend I helped my Uncle move from 10am-10pm with more than a sufficient amount of breaks lol. Even though it is more work than I've done since October it was a good experience.  I got to chill with family and have a few laughs while accomplishing something.  

Deep Thought: Bad Relationships

It’s been a while since I wrote about relationships but I feel like this is a better time than any.   I’m going to do it a little different though.  Let’s talk about bad relationships and why people stay in them.  This might seem like a combination of earlier posts but it’s fresh.  I guess the real reason I’m posting this is because this has kind of been on my mind for a while… you know observing things. 

So first of all, why do we (collectively) put ourselves in these situations?  I believe a lot of it has to do with love and patience.  It has to do with love because a lot of people will make a lot of bad decisions to find it and patience because a lot of people don’t have enough of it to wait for love.  I’m speaking from experience when I say being loved is probably one of the best feelings in the world and after you’ve experienced it it’s hard to live without it.  Even if it isn’t or wasn’t love when you lose that feeling it’s tough.  It’s almost like you go through withdraw.  I guess if you viewed love as a drug it would be more easily understood.  Think about it, when someone is doing a drug like heroin its ecstasy for them but when they stop taking it they go through serious withdraw symptoms.  It’s the same with love.  Maybe the example I gave was a little extreme but it’s still very accurate.  Other common ways people might get into dead end relationships are simply peer pressure or just hooking up with someone because they look cute.  I’m not trying to make the whole post about love or infatuation or whatever but it plays a big part and can mess you up.  If there is always rain in your life you are going to look for shelter the only problem is you might be looking for shelter in the wrong place.

When we figure out we are in bad relationships why do we stay in them?  I’ll give you the maybes:  Maybe their partner is abusive (verbally, mentally and/or physically) and they are afraid to leave because of the repercussions that may follow, maybe their partner is the only way they can stay on top of the social totem pole, maybe they feel like they can change their boyfriend or girlfriend or maybe their boyfriend or girlfriend is the one who took their virginity or opened their eyes to the idea that they can be loved in so many different ways.  I guess the most difficult scenario to get out of is if the relationship is physically abusive but that’s another topic.  There are many reasons why we keep ourselves in these situations but there is one reason in particular I want to talk about and that is infatuation and denial or disbelief.  A lot of people believe they are in love when they know they are not and that is their excuse to stay in a bad relationship.  I guess the only thing worse than believing you are in love with someone is believing that they are in love with you when it’s quite the opposite.  Is that gullibility? Possibly.  Is it denial? Possibly. Whatever the problem is the issue needs to be addressed.  If you are being dogged or cheated on what kind of love is that?  The best example of this might be in Eve’s “Love is Blind.” If you haven’t heard the song you probably won’t know exactly what I’m talking about.  If you are lying to yourself that says a lot about your character and if you continue to lie to yourself it becomes apparent that you are a weak minded individual and you have some growing up to do.  You have to be true to yourself.  Take a honest look at the situation and you decide if you are going to live in a fairy tale or if you are going to wake up and take control of your life.

Love is a crazy thing that will make you do crazy things but you have to know when it’s not love anymore.  For example: In an earlier post I said trust is the most important element in a relationship and if you love someone you have to be honest with them.  I was in a relationship where a girlfriend continued to lie to me and even after we broke up she still lies to me whether she knows I know it or not.  Well if she reads my page she’ll know.  She continued to say that she loved me but her inability to be honest showed me otherwise.  So I had to end it.

Everyone can’t accept the fact that their partner doesn’t really love them.  They might luv them but they don’t love them.  “Luv” is just an expression people use to say “I like you and everything but when it comes down to it you and your feelings are expendable.”  When you realize that you are working with luv and not love then you need “man up” and do what you have to do.  

Final thought:

Sometimes we can’t see it coming but when it does it comes hard.  The older you grow the more you realize that it is a lot easier to get into a relationship then it is to get out of one.  But if you are in a bad relationship you have to know that even if there is temporary satisfaction, in the long run it is going to hurt you.  It’s like this… if you have your hand over an open fire there are one of two things you can do: 1) keep your hand there or 2) pull it away.  Some people would keep it there because as much as their hand hurts being there it hurts even more to pull it away even though the longer their hand stays there the more damage the fire is doing to it.  Just like relationships.  Some people stay in bad relationships because even though they are being hurt they feel like it will hurt them more to get out of the relationship even though the longer they stay there the more damage they are doing to themselves.  It’s your choice, are you going to keep your hand in the fire?  Or are you going to move it?

Re-Cap:

What's good?  The weather finally broke this week.  Today it was about 70º but there was still piles of snow all over the place... only in Edinboro, right? Of course.

Since the weather changed I guess it's about time for me to change some of my daily activities.  Like I started running again... and realizing how out of shape I am lol.  So I figure if I keep at it I'll be back on my dean in no time. 

Deep Thought: The N-Word

Its crazy how many people agree with the first guy and act like the second guy.  I’m one of those people I can’t lie.  A bad habit I picked up in middle school or high school that I haven’t really tried to break. I’m going to work on that though.  The justifications for using, the “N-word,” have basically been “it is a term of endearment” or “we use it to take the sting out of the real meaning” or “its igga not igger.”  I see it like this the word “nigga” isn’t a negative connotation toward blacks “nigger” is.  This is hard to explain since they are both on in the same but in my brain they are two different thangs.

Over the years the n-word has changed radically and in the same respect stayed the same.  First of all it has started to become color blind.  There are non-blacks who say it and get away with it because we feel they have come from the same struggles so they are part of us.  Perfect example is Fat Joe.  Fat Joe drops the n-bomb in a couple of his songs but it is accepted, but he isn’t black he’s Cuban.  Why is that?  I’ve been told because he grew up in the hood with black people and went through what the black people who were living in poverty with him went through so in a sense he is one of them.  But when J-Lo said it in “Jenny From tha Block” she was criticized by the masses.  Why is that? She was from the hood? Maybe it was because she was with Ben Affleck at the time.  I guess she lost her n-word rights ha ha.  So what if a white person is in Fat Joe’s position?  Is it still acceptable?  In some respects I would guess.  Like if he just said it around the homies he grew up with who know him, everything is copasetic.  But if he says it around black people who have no idea who he is or anything it’s almost guaranteed he will get beat up.  I guess in that case it’s just using it in context, knowing where you are and who you are around.  But how can the younger generation of black youth get mad when somebody calls them that? They dance to it right? They call each other it right? To me it seems like there is a double standard.  If you grew up in the hood its ok but if you didn’t its not, right? So if a black guy was raised by upper class white people grew up with upper class white people would it not be right for him to use the word? 

Before I couldn’t really sum up how I feel about the word until I heard what Chris Rock’s mom said, “There is a difference between black people and niggers (as).  Black people are the ones who go to work from 9 to 5 to earn their money. And niggers (as) are the ones waiting for them to come home so they can rob them.”  If that isn’t the best way to some it up I don’t know what is.  So if you put that in the correct context a lot of artists are using the word correctly.  When they refer to themselves as niggas they aren’t lying.  When they talk about robbing people and shooting people they are indicating that they truly are niggas.

Now that raises a question.  Is the n-word still a race thing or can anybody of any race be one? Think about it. Can white people be niggers? Can Hispanics be niggers? The way it is used today the answer is yes.  What measures blackness?  It seems that the more you fit the black stereotype the “blacker you are.”  It’s like the more ghetto you are, the less accomplished you make yourself, the more ignorant you sound, the more time you spend committing juvenile acts opposed to academically bettering yourself the more black you are.  But that is a common misconception.  That doesn’t make you any more black than your brother that makes you more of a nigger than he is.  I’ve heard over and over white people say to black people I’m blacker than you.

So basically I have come to the conclusion that “being black” (outside of actual skin color) is an illusion. It seems that some have been programmed to believe that the worse you are doing the blacker you are.  And on the opposite side of that if you are doing well for yourself you are “acting white.”  What is that!?  Some weaker minds, due to peer pressure will actual not do as well as they can so they can be accepted.  Being black or being a nigger is just about saying the same thing as being ignorant.  Now they are words that are fancied up to sound good.  But it’s an illusion. A mirage. 

Re-Cap:

I guess I can start this off by saying this, "When I write these posts I'm not writing them about any one in particular, so don't can't feelings!!!"  I mean what I'm writing these posts they are just gernal things not based of one person.  I can understand how people can relate to them but it is not about them. 

In other new the weather is crazy up here.  It was, on average, like 60º all week then I go home and come back there was like 8 inches of snow.  I can't wait until the end of the school year.  One more month left.   

What’s good? As I said…I have a couple entries prewritten so for the next few weeks they will be posted on time (Sunday nights)

Re-Cap

Outside of school not a lot has really happened.  I did get my project back in my Intro to Mass Media class though. I wasn’t really that surprised at my grade because I worked hard on it.  I ended up getting an A(91) on my paper because I did endnotes instead of footnotes so he took 9 points off.  Then I got an A (100) on my presentation, basically because it was fly and I did everything I set out to do.  For my presentation I basically explained how hip hop music was made then I played an a cappella sample from a song I made, then I just played the instrumental then I played them together and explained everything that took place in the studio while I was recording.

I went home for Easter weekend.  I didn’t know I was going home until about 9pm Thursday and I left 8am Friday.  Not a whole lot went on while I was home except I hooked up with a friend, got lost and slept. As you can see my weekend wasn’t very eventful.  

Deep Thought: Trust

I have found that one of the hardest things to do is trust someone.  Maybe it is because of past experiences maybe it is because of paranoia who knows but being able to trust somebody makes a relationship (friendship or relationship) stronger. 

Personally I don’t trust most people with my garbage if you know what I mean.  When you start to put your trust in someone and they betray it that is a difficult thing to regain.  In my case, my trust is limited to certain things.  I don’t fully trust anybody but I do trust people to do certain things and act a certain way.  There are people I can trust with my life but not with my girl.  There are people I can trust with my money but not with my DVDs.  It is kind of like the scene from “A Thin Line between Love and Hate” when Martin Lawrence asked Regina King if she trusted him and she said she trusts him to do exactly what he is going to do and she doesn’t expect him to be anything other than himself.  It’s sad that we think that way but there is a reason for that.

As we get older it is almost like we are conditioned not to trust people.  After being constantly let down by people who are close to you, you don’t expect anything different.  Let me school you real quick.  It’s like Pavlov’s dogs if you want to look at it from a psychological standpoint.  If you are not familiar with the dogs this is basically what happened:

-- Pavlov was a scientist who changed a neutral stimulus into a controlled one basically by association.  He had his assistant feed the dogs he had in his lab and after a while of this when the assistant came into the lab the dogs associated him with being fed and started to salivate before the food was even put in front of them.—

t u can see me weekend wasn' lost and slept.de then i t was fly and i l be posted on time (Sunday nights)

So in a sense we are like Pavlov’s dogs because we have been lied to so much by other people that our response to the new people we meet is distrust. 

I said before that trust is the strongest bond in a relationship.  I mean, there is love, but if you truly love someone you have to trust them, right?  The problem that is present in most relationships is that we do not trust each other and that strong bond is not evident. You could blame it on the mass media and make a strong case about how it always shows men cheating on there women and having commitment issues and women cheating on there men for similar reasons but if you are not a strong enough person to break away from the fictional episodes that are placed in front of you for entertainment purposes you can’t truly have a successful relationship.  There are people who stay together even though they don’t completely trust each other but if you always have to wonder what the other person is doing when you’re not around that isn’t very successful, is it?

Final Words:

I understand that it is difficult to trust people especially after being lied to by someone who “loved” you.  My response for that is like K-Ci and Jo Jo said “Don’t Rush.”  In this case we are talking about two different subjects but the underlying message is still there, don’t rush into big decisions.  Get to know the person and if you feel you can trust that person you better be right. If you really want it to work make sure they want it to work too.